Assuming the Buttered Cat Paradox holds true in real life (which I am perfectly willing to do. It IS in Wikipedia after all...), I offer the following solution to our global energy crisis:
DYNA-MEOWS!
To elaborate, refer to the following figures, lovingly ganked from Wikipedia and HowStuffWorks:
The Buttered Cat Paradox:
How Generators Work:
Do we all see where I'm going with this, class?
According to the Wikipedia article, the cat/toast combination should rotate indefinitely at a reasonably high speed. We could potential strap copper wiring onto a cat, and place it through a magnetic field. Based on the principle of "electromagnetic induction," the rotational motion of the cat in the magnetic field would produce a current to be used to supply electricity for the world’s energy needs. This system would effectively provide for us a cheap, clean alternative to fossil fuels! Given that the average life span of a cat is 15 years, and that the world wide cat population has been placed at around 1 billion, we would have a more than adequate supply of energy to get the world through the next century, without even taking breeding into account. By altering the size of the cats and amount of butter on the bread, we will be able to vary the voltage output to match the range of international energy standards.
One foreseeable problem however, is the lifespan of the buttered toast. While a cat’s lifespan may be 15 years, the buttered toast would deteriorate to
un-rotatable levels within two to three months. I hypothesize however, that it is not the actual buttered toast that causes the floating rotational motion of the cats, but rather their unshakable believe in the presence of buttered toast. Similar to the phenomenon of faith healing, I believe that it can be shown that a cat’s complete and utter believe in the presence of buttered toast will suffice in keeping the rotational motion constant for the duration of a cat’s life. This will be achieved via either the creation of long lasting, synthetic buttered toast, or hallucinogenic cat nip. Either prospect is very exciting, and I look forward to future academic research on the topic. Given my assumed excitement within the academic community regarding this topic, I predict that within the
next few decades, buttered toast research will advance to such levels that a preliminary wide scale roll out of the Dyna-meow program will be able to
progress. Unfortunately, until this happens, we will have to find alternative ways to put these delicious animals to good use.
I understand that I am running the risk of turning this into a youTube post blog, but this is a gem.
